Goal Setting Is a Two Spouse Exercise! | Series 6.1 - Enjoy More 30s: Family Finance

Episode 1

Goal Setting Is a Two Spouse Exercise! | Series 6.1

Published on: 3rd January, 2022

Get your list of goals for this New Year to find out where you both want your ship to sail.

  • Goals are to give you a better chance of achieving something more quickly than you otherwise would have without goals. (04:50)
  • What makes each of you happy now? (06:04)
  • What would make you happier? (07:15)
  • What keeps you up at night? (08:41)

Quote for the episode: "So goals overall can be things to add to your happiness, or things that can also stop detracting from your happiness." (10:08)

Securities offered through TFS Securities, Inc., and Advisory Services through TFS Advisory Services, an SEC Registered Investment Advisor Member FINRA/SIPC. TFS Securities, Inc., is located at 437 Newman Springs Road, Lincroft, NJ 07738 (732) 758-9300.

Transcript
Voiceover Audio:

Welcome to the EnjoyMore30s Family Finance

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podcast. The only podcast dedicated to making life more

Voiceover Audio:

enjoyable for young families by hitting on the financial topics

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that tend to weigh on us, stress us out, and distract our focus

Voiceover Audio:

from simply enjoying life.

Joseph Okaly:

Hello, and welcome to this next series that we've

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put together for you on the EnjoyMore30s Family Finance

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podcast. It's really exciting after a couple of weeks here to

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be back, to be able to bring you some new content hopefully be

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able to help you in a new way in a new year. And so you know,

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being a new year, this is the time where we all get kind of

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energized. You know, we have new beginnings, new improvements,

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new steps that we can take forward that we didn't quite get

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to maybe the year before. So we're going to help you focus

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all that energy in this series when it comes to your finances

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specifically, so you can get off to that great start in this new

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year.

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As always, if you do like what you're hearing, please make sure

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to subscribe, follow us on Apple podcast. Really wherever you

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listen, clicking that star, leaving the review, it really

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really helps us reach the quite literally millions of other

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young families out there just like you. If you want to hear a

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focus on finances related to your mindset, your parent's

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mindset or even helping your kids with their own mindsets

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growing up, then check out some of our past seasons that dive

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really deep into those various areas. This series though, like

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I said, is about getting off on the right foot for this new

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year, and is why we titled this series, Setting Your Compass For

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The New Year. We'll have lots of great nautical references and

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puns just to you know, try to tie that in as much as possible.

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And there will also be lots of exclamation points flying around

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in the titles to try and help leverage that energy, right?

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It's a new year, and we want to harness that energy to do good

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things. So we're going to cover how to set that financial

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compass for the new year, putting yourself first, using

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what we call a bucketing strategy to help organize and

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prioritize your goals and really much much more exclamation point

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on top of that.

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Today's title specifically is titled Goal Setting Is a Two

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Spouse Exercise!, where we're going to talk about the very

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first part in setting that compass, which is really

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figuring out where exactly you want to go, right? And really

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not only where you want to go, but more accurately where you

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both want to go. The goal for today's episode is for you to

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walk away with clear questions to get that list of goals for

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this new year, we need to know where that ship is sailing. So

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when you're married, you have one ship, you're two people, but

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you're floating on one ship. You may decide to have separate bank

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accounts, split up who's responsible for you know the

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electric bill versus paying the mortgage. But you cumulatively

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have one ship still. You're agreeing maybe to have separate

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chores to upkeep and separate closets even to keep all your

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tools in that you're going to do it with. But a ship can only

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sail in one direction at one time. It has one steering wheel

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that you and your spouse have to sit together and you know, over

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my almost 15 years of working with families, I've seen

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countless times that spouses kind of look awkwardly at each

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other, when we ask them about their goals, and their spouse

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gives maybe a totally different answer than what they expected.

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"You think I'm working til 65?! There's no way I'm going to do

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this for that long. I don't like my job!" So things like that. If

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you haven't had a goal conversation with your spouse,

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this means you're certainly not at all alone. But this is still

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the first step now where you may want your journey to take you

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determines on how you build and pack this ship to help take you

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there. To aid you in this conversation, I have a list of

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three different questions that I want to run through. And it's

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really a lot of the same questions I asked the families

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that we work with, to help them gain clarity on what actually

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would make them happy, what goals they should set. So that's

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a key point here that we want to make sure we don't forget too;

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goals are things that would make you happy, not what you think

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you need to do kind of goals. You don't have to retire early

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if you enjoy your job. Or if you'd rather just take more

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vacations and work longer, that's cool too. Or if retiring

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early is the only thing you think about then great, let's

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look 100% go for that. You don't have to move to say a bigger

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house and work really hard and more hours to help pay for that

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bigger house if you're happy in your current home. There's no

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right or wrong with any of this. There's just what would make you

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both happy and what wouldn't, so clear your mind of those

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supposed-to's as much as you can. The other point I'll give

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you ahead of time is that goals are not at all to make you feel

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like a failure. That's not the point of goals. They are to give

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you a better chance of achieving something more quickly than you

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otherwise would have without goals. So I've shared before how

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goals used to petrify me. I don't want to fail, right? But

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even the best goal setting gurus out there, they may hit 50 to

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60% of their annual goals in the best of years. So we all set

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tons of goals, we don't necessarily hit right away, but

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we hit way more than we would have without them.

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So last year, I wanted to travel as an example to five new

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places. Five places I've never seen before in my life, and I

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only traveled to two. However, if I didn't set that goal, I

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probably would have traveled to zero new places last year. So

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hopefully that helps you see what I mean here. I have a whole

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episode on this topic, if you really want to dive into it

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more. That's really how important I think goal setting

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can be for you, and how happy you can be in your life, how

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many things you can add to your happiness list that you

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accomplish. So check out Episode 4.4, Schedule Goals, Achieve

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Goals, if you really want the whole rundown.

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Alright, so now let's jump into some of those points that I

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promised you to get that goal conversation started. So number

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one, it's pretty easy. What makes each of you happy now?

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Now, this seems like an easy question. But it's a great point

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to kind of start at to help build off of the today. You

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know, what makes you happy today? Is it vacations? Is it

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being home with family? Is it coaching? Is it going to Disney

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World? Is it even just going to the park? So you know, for me,

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when I sat down and did this, it was kind of harder than I

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thought it was going to be. What actually makes me happy. And I'm

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so involved in the day to day and going to work what actually

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makes me happy today. And when I stopped and think thought about

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kind of like the last year, it was visiting and traveling to

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some new places. And you know, for my wife, Lauren, it was

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coaching was her favorite thing to do. At the time she was a

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teacher and going to Disney World, obviously. So you know,

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when you stop and kind of think what actually has been making me

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happy today, it may be a little bit of a harder exercise than

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you you would think, but it does really help gain some clarity to

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okay, if these things make me happy today, then obviously, you

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know, I'd probably want to do more of these things.

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The second question is, what would make you happier? So maybe

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things that you're not necessarily doing today, but

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things that if you could do them, it would make your life

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better? So it's kind of like a building off of that first

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question. So for Lauren, I had mentioned that she loved

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coaching, she was a teacher at the time. And she wound up

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getting an opportunity to make coaching and social media work

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as well off of the coaching her full time job. So doing

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something that she absolutely loved every day. She also set a

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goal of one day getting a pool, because when she was growing up,

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her parents had a pool and she just loved that as a kid. Those

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are like some of her best memories growing up, where you

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know, being in the pool and playing with friends. So she

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wants to give that experience to our kids as well. And so that's

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not something that we're doing right we had right now. But that

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was something that would make her happier kind of a thing. Now

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for me, it really made me think about what you know, what do I

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want my business to be that I want one that kind of just went

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you know, to maximize income? Or did I want one that really

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maximize more living? And again, there's no right or wrong with

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any of this. But for me, it was being home for dinner every

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night and available to coach you know, soccer on the weekends or

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softball, you know, all those things my kids would remember.

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So that's kind of what we came up with, with, you know,

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happier.

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So the last question is what keeps you up at night? For some,

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you know, it's really just not knowing what path they're on

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that can be scary, right? Unknowns are scary unknowns are

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scary. For others, it's a fear of saving enough for college.

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This albeit is not yet as much fun of a question as the happy

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question. But this can be keeping you back from feeling as

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happy as you could be feeling. If you have anxiety over you

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know what path you're on or anxiety that you aren't saving

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enough or anxiety of what would happen to your kids if you or

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your spouse died or became disabled or something like that,

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well then that is weighing on you probably every single day.

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And the great thing about this question is that these items can

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generally be addressed pretty quickly and easily, especially

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when you're young and healthy. Life or disability insurance for

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example, can you remove anxiety over your family being

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protected, just like that. Saving a little more every month

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has as long as you know 30 years to grow and make just a huge

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difference while you're young. So removing fears and sleeping

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better at night can really often be easier items to check off

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than you know some of the happier items that like for my

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instance like a pool, you may have to ya know work a couple

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years to go get that. Whereas life insurance, you could

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probably get in a couple of weeks, and completely get rid of

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that anxiety that's coming from it.

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So goals overall can be things to add to your happiness, or

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things that can also stop detracting from your happiness.

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But the end result for both is more overall happiness. When you

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have this list of goals, hang it up somewhere. That would be a

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one of the first recommendations I would have for it, so that you

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can look at it from time to time, I have my goal list right

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on my cork board in my office. So I don't look at it every day.

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But I see it, I glance at it now and then, and I check in with

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Lauren about it every few months or check in with your spouse

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about it every few months to kind of keep it in the front of

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both of your minds. The more that you have it on your mind,

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the greater chance again, of some of these goals being

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achieved. And remember, if you achieve even one of those

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things, I don't care if the list of goals is 10, or this list of

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goals is 50. If you achieve even one of those things that you

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hung up, now you're better than you were before. Your compass

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has more of a route, your ship more of a direction. As you go

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along the way, don't beat yourself up because they are

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going to be delays. Again, we're not expecting all of these goals

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to be completed in every year. So if you want to get a life

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insurance evaluation by March, and it doesn't happen, that's

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okay. Let's shoot for April now, or May. At least you have it on

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your mind, and you're still much much more likely to achieve it

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than before you set any goals at all.

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Thanks so much for tuning in today, as always, and join us

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for next week's episode called Pay Yourself First exclamation

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point where we're going to talk about how you can work towards

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having the funds to start achieving now some of these

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goals that we just set and how the biggest problem most people

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face is giving all their hard earned money away to other

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people. So overall, if you're able to implement what we cover

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today, that's fantastic. You have less to worry about than

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before and you can focus more on enjoying life. If you're wanting

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help with these things though or have any questions you need help

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in clarifying, check out the ASK JOE section on the show's

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website. www.enjoymore30s.com. That's enjoymore30s.com. Until

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next week. Thanks for joining me today and I look forward to

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connecting with you again soon.

Voiceover Audio:

The conversations on this show are

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Joe's opinions and provided for general information purposes

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only. They do not constitute accounting, legal, tax, or other

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professional advice for your specific situation. You should

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always seek appropriate advice from a financial advisor,

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accountant, lawyer, or other professional before acting upon

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any content or information found here first. Joe is affiliated

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with New Horizons Wealth Management LLC, a branch office

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of TFS Securities, Inc., and TFS Advisory Services an SEC

Voiceover Audio:

Registered Investment Advisor Member FINRA/SIPC.

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About the Podcast

Enjoy More 30s: Family Finance
Family Finance for Young Professionals.
Young families receive little to no personal finance help. We all grow up to have jobs and money, yet our education system focuses on Shakespeare and Algebra. Even professional advice can be hard to come by, with the majority of the industry chasing retirees and existing wealth.

Joe Okaly's podcast is aiming to change this, providing personal financial advice geared specifically to professionals with young families. This podcast is dedicated to making life more enjoyable for young families, by hitting on the financial topics that tend to weigh on us, stress us out, and distract our focus from simply enjoying life.

Joseph P Okaly is a CFP Certified Financial Advisor who fits directly in with who this podcast is focused on - a young professional with a family. With over a decade of experience as an advisor, there is passion and knowledge to make a difference.

Securities offered through TFS Securities, Inc., Advisory Services through TFS Advisory Services, a SEC Registered Investment Advisor Member FINRA / SIPC. TFS Securities, Inc. located at 437 Newman Springs Road, Lincroft, NJ 07738 (732) 758-9300.